


Altered Realities

by KatieTaylor



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Pre-Slash, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-02
Updated: 2015-12-03
Packaged: 2018-05-03 19:28:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5303828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatieTaylor/pseuds/KatieTaylor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if there were more to Steve's dreams/hallucinations in the 100th episode? What if some of it were real?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> An idea I've had for a while around the 100th episode. Wrote this about a week ago as part of NaNoWriMo. :)

_Steve walked away from the precinct after thanking Detective Williams for his help in catching the guy who had tried to kill his father. The farther he got from the front doors, the more he felt like he was leaving something behind. He stopped, turned around, and looked back at the building as if he could see what it was he was forgetting. All he saw was a stream of uniforms and civilians, lawyers and detectives, all coming and going from the building. But then Steve saw_ him _– loud shirt and blond hair standing out in the sea of people flowing across the steps as he walked over to the silver Camaro._

_Steve watched the blond Jersey native until the other man drove away. He continued looking at the now empty parking space, a smile twitching at the corner of his mouth. His trance was only broken when a new car pulled into the spot._

505050

Cold

That's all he felt at first.

Then: cold and wet and his head was fucking killing him.

"Wake up, Commander."

Steve grunted and jerked his head, but didn't open his eyes. Opening his eyes meant that he was going to lose those vestiges of the dream. It meant the last tendrils of warmth he felt watching the blond drive away would leave. Besides, his eyes were about the only things he could control at the moment.

But then that choice was taken from him as well. Wo Fat's fist connected with his jaw. His head twisted to the side and his eyes flew open. He glared up at his captor.

"That's better," the man said, looking him over and looking smug. "Now... where were we?"

505050

_One instant, Steve was asleep. In the next, he was wide awake, images from the nightmare he'd been experiencing already erased from his memory and leaving him frightened and disoriented. Then, he heard it again – the sound that had pulled him from sleep – someone banging at the door downstairs. His arm shot over to the bedside table where his gun was stored before his brain caught up enough to realize: no one he would need a gun for would be knocking first. Instead, he reached farther and grabbed a shirt, catching the time as he did._

_Two in the morning.  He groaned as he hurried down the dark staircase. It had barely been two hours since he'd dragged himself up the stairs and into his bed. It had taken two weeks of eighteen hour – or more – days to take out a child killer who had murdered three more times after Five-0 caught the case. All four of the Team had needed to visit with their EMS friends at least once during the case._

_Answering the door at 02:00 was not on his list of things he wanted to do tonight. Maybe he should have brought the gun anyway, so he could shoot this jack ass in the face._

_He yanked the door open. "What the hell do you... Danny?"_

_Even in the dim moonlight, Steve could see that his friend looked like shit – even worse than he had a few hours ago. Steve was certain that, despite the rumpled clothes, he hadn't even seen his bed, let alone got any sleep. Danny let out a long breath, ran his hand through his already messy hair and met Steve's eyes._

_"Hey. Sorry. I know you were probably sleeping but I just... can I come in?"_

_"Yeah, buddy, of course." He stepped aside to let Danny in and closed the door behind him after flipping on a light.  "Beer?" He asked as Danny walked over to the sofa and sunk down onto it._

_"Fuck, yes."_

_When Steve returned, Danny was leaning forward, elbows on his thighs, head in his hands. Only when Steve sat down next to him did he lean against the back and hold his hand out for one of the cold bottles._

_Steve just settled next to him, sipping his own beer and waiting. That wait didn't last long before Danny's voice broke through the silence, just as he was about to fall back asleep. It really_ had _been a rough couple of weeks._

_"Rachel left me."_

_Steve was wide awake now, turning his body to look at his friend._

_"What?"_

_Danny stared into his bottle instead of looking at Steve. He nodded once._

_"I went straight home after dropping you off. I figured everyone would be asleep already, but the living room light was on. Rachel was waiting up for me. She had a couple of suitcases packed and Charlie dressed in his carrier. She sent the kids to friends for the night." Steve had never known his friend to speak so quiet, or be so still as he did. "I guess I knew what that meant as soon as I saw it, you know? I mean, we hadn't talked about splitting up, but even still, it wasn't really a surprise. She's already got a lawyer working on the divorce papers. I've always known that she wasn't happy being cop's wife. She always worried about me and when I made detective it was worse with all the long hours on top of that, and of course Five-0's ten times worse. But she had never asked me to give it up or anything."_

_"Did she ask you to leave tonight?" Steve didn't want Danny to leave the Team, to leave_ him _, but he wanted his friend to be happy. If leaving would save their marriage, he would help him find something Rachel could live with and would still make Danny happy._

_"No. No, she did not." He finally turned to face Steve. "Even if she had, I wouldn't have left the Team. Besides, she's found some other guy. Stan Something. Some rich hotel guy."_

_"Shit, Danny. What can I do?" Steve asked, rubbing his hands across his face. His friend just smiled and shook his head._

_"Nothing to do, babe. You can't fix this with gunpowder and napalm. Besides. There's nothing to fix. Not between Rachel and I."_

_It was Steve's turn to let out a long breath. "What about the kids?" That was what made Danny get up and start pacing, taking a long drink from his beer as he did._

_"That... that is what I am freaking out about." He stopped and met Steve's eyes. "I can't lose my kids, Steve."_

_Steve put his bottle on the floor and stood in front of Danny, hands on his friend's arms, running them lightly up and down Danny's shirt. He ducked down a bit to make sure his friend met his eyes._

_"Hey, hey. You're not gonna lose the kids, okay? I won't let that happen. You know I will always have your back, right? In everything."_

_The corner of Danny's mouth twitched in an attempt at a smile. "Yeah, babe. Okay."_

_Steve nodded once when he felt some of the tension leave his friend's body._

_"I just don't get it. I thought you guys were happy. I didn't know you were having issues." He tried to keep the hurt out of his voice. He really had no right to it. Danny was not required to tell him everything._

_"We weren't fighting or anything but, like I said, this wasn't really a surprise. I..." he looked away and Steve could see the effort it took for Danny to look back at him, right into his eyes, a moment later. "I haven't been in love with Rachel for a while now."_

_Silence settled around them, lingering, and Steve thought maybe he saw a glimmer of something in Danny's eyes that he recognized in his own when he looked in the mirror._

_"Danno—"_

_"I'll fight her on the kids. I'm not going to fight the divorce because maybe I'm relieved that she made this decision for me. Because I couldn't do it myself. I couldn't risk losing my kids. You understand, right?"_

_Steve's heart was racing so fast he thought it might give up completely. It sounded like Danny was saying the exact thing he had waited to hear for so long – it felt like his entire life._

_"Danno?"_

_"But I wanted to, Steven. You get me? I wanted to. Because I wasn't in love with her anymore." He took a deep breath. "I'm in love with you."_

505050

This time, he woke to pain. His scream tore through him before he could stop it. Wo Fat held the cattle prod to his stomach longer than he needed to.

"Where is my father?" He yelled, starting to lose his temper and shoving the prod harder against Steve's stomach, taking away what little was left of the SEAL's breath.  Steve couldn't remember who this guy's father was.

"Fuck you!" He tried to yell when the prod was finally pulled back; it came out more like a loud whisper.

505050

_Though he rarely wore them himself, Steve was not against a nice Hawaiian print. Even so, he could honestly say that he'd never considered it hot before. But then, that was before he saw them on Detective Danny Williams._

_Of course, short, loud-mouthed blonds were never his thing either. But Danny was different. Without even trying, he had wedged himself into Steve's life and his heart and the once tough Navy SEAL turned into a gooey marshmallow (Danny's words, not his) whenever the cop even so much as looked at him._

_Fuck, Steve had it bad._

_But then Danny did, too, so it was okay._

_"Steve!"_

_"Huh? What?" His eyes climbed up to see a perfect smirk and then laughing blue eyes. He looked next at Chin and then Kono on either side of the blond, holding back their laughter._

_"Danny, maybe you need to take boss-man home before the raid. You know, to relax before things get crazy."_

_Danny barked out a laugh. Steve glared at Kono, ignored his lover, turned to Chin._

_"Plan sounds good, Chin, but I think Kono should set up on the next roof."_

_"Aw, c'mon Steve. I didn't mean it."_

_He smiled at her. "Yes you did, but it's not that. These guys can_ not _get away. We'll have SWAT as our back up, but you're the best sniper in the state. I want someone I can trust up there."_

_She beamed at him and nodded._

_"Good save," Danny said as he walked over to Steve's side of the tech table. He flicked his ear. " Now c'mon, you goof. Let's take the nice lady's advice."_

505050

Steve had lost track of reality. He didn't know which life was real and which was fiction.

All he knew was that one version was dark and cold and wet. His only choices were to fight for his life and keep secrets he didn't know the answers to anyway, or die. And Wo Fat did not really seem interested in killing him, so fight it was. This was a life where almost everyone he cared about left or betrayed him and the one person that did not was off limits. It was a life he lived through like a thirty-something year storm with the occasional bright ray of sunshine peeking through the clouds. And those too few, too brief, breaks had happened more in the last four years, when the storm had been at its worst, then the entire rest of his life.

But then, there was his other life. The one that was always warm and bright. Where he woke up knowing everyone he loved was still alive and well.  Yes, his mother was absent, but she had died tragically when he was a teenager and it had only brought the rest of his family closer together. When was faced with actually having the choice of a football scholarship or the Navy, he'd chosen the Navy.  Danny saved his father's life and they had dinner together, with his sister, every week. And now, four years later, he didn't have to hide who he was from anyone. Not from his father, not from Danny. Not from the Navy. He had the man he loved, who loved him, and was not afraid to show it. He had a little girl and a little boy who were his in every way that mattered.

Could it really be a surprise which one he wanted to be real?

He just wanted the nightmare to end and he wanted to fall asleep in  Danny's arms so that this world would never come back.

Kill Wo Fat. That would make this end, right?

Steve looked passed the barrel of his gun, passed the barrel of the gun pointed at him, and into Wo Fat's eyes.

"You wouldn't shoot me, would you, brother?"

Wo Fat was only a fraction of a second slower in pulling the trigger, but it was enough. Or maybe he was just a shitty shot.

The bullet grazed McGarret's temple. And he was exhausted. And the rush of adrenaline left him. Darkness crept up on him and he didn't fight it. He couldn't remember who Wo Fat had been looking for, just knew he wasn't going to give the asshole any information.  And now he didn't have to. The nightmare could be over now and he could go back to that wonderful life.

He had lost track of the dream and of reality; did not know which was which. All he knew was that this world was dark and full of pain and the other one was not. He let the darkness over take him, hoping it would take him back there and hoping he could stay there forever. With his dad.

With Danny.

505050

_Steve nudged his way out of the porch doors, two Longboards in each hand, and walked over to the grill._

_"Danny on his way?" His father asked, setting down the wire scrubber he was using to clean the grill and relieving Steve of the beers in one hand._

_"Yeah, he's just picking the kids up from Rachel's. Should be here any minute."_

_He looked down to twist the cap off his own beer and heard a snort of laughter. He looked up again to see Mary smirking at him as she took one of the bottles from her father. Steve eyed her suspiciously, but his smile didn't budge._

_"What?"_

_'"What?' I can practically see the huge epic cartoon hearts floating around your head." She swirled her bottle around in the air in the general direction of his head. His scowl deepened, but somehow his grin widened._

_"Shut up." He took another sip of his beer._

_"Now, Steven," his father said, eyes twinkling with mirth. "Don't speak to your sister like that."_

_Steve rolled his eyes. He and Danny had been together for a year and a half and his dad and sister still teased him. He'd always thought that kind of thing would piss him off, but it just made him feel even more loved. Before he could snark back, he heard the rumble of the Camaro's engine and the crunching of its tires on the gravel drive. His eyes flicked in that direction, but didn't follow the noise._

_"Oh, go on, you big doofus," Mary told him, whacking him on the arm and taking the bottles from his hands._

_"Hey!" He rubbed his arm as if she had actually hurt him. Or maybe because she'd taken his beer._

_"Go on, son. I'll get the steaks started." Steve nodded, winked at Mary, and turned back to the house._

_He got to the front door just as Grace opened it. She was barely out of the way before Charlie barrelled into the house, as fast as he could on his wobbly little toddler legs.  Steve caught him, just before he tripped over his own two feet, and swept the laughing boy up into his arms._

_"Hey buddy," but he was tickling Charlie, so the toddler was laughing too hard to answer._

_"Hi, Steve."_

_"Hey, Gracie." He held out an arm and she immediately hugged his side. He kissed her hair and then finally looked up at Danny who had closed the door and was looking at his family with a goofy look that Steve assumed matched the one Mary had been teasing him about._

_"Hey."_

_"Hey, babe," Danny said, dropping the keys on the table by the door and joining them. "Sorry about that. I'm pretty sure Rachel and Stan fed them each a pound of sugar before I got there."_

_"I love it."_

_"Goof." He ruffled both his children's hair and Steve set Charlie back on his feet, his eyes not leaving Danny's. "Why don't you kids go outside and terrorize Aunt Mary and Gramps?" That just riled them up again and they sped outside.  Once they were alone, Steve pulled Danny against his body and greeted him properly._


	2. Chapter 2

There was an IV still in his arm. The room was brighter than he remembered, with more people, but he wasn't tied down. He tried to sit up, to remove the IV. And then he saw it – a flash of white and bright designs. Blond hair.

"Hey, babe. Settle down, okay? You're safe." The man got into his line of sight, filling his vision and his entire being focused on him. The blond ran his hand along his arm.

"Danny..." He concentrated until he could see familiar, but worried, blue eyes.

His heart rate began to slow almost to normal. He could sense the others in the room back off, but he didn't look away from Danny. Danny in his Hawaiian shirt.

He lifted his arm and twisted his hand into the soft cotton of his partner's shirt, but he was almost too exhausted even for that small movement. His hand, still attached to Danny's shirt, fell back to the bed, pulling Danny down to him. Their foreheads touched and he breathed his name again. A mantra to calm himself.

Steve had no idea why he was here, what happened to bring him here, but it didn't matter. It didn't matter because Danny was here in his loud Hawaiian shirt, smelling like Danny, calming voice and  so close. The Detective put a hand on the bed beside his friend's head to steady himself. Steve reached up to meet Danny's lips, needing those last pieces of sensory evidence to center himself. Danny leaned down, but before their lips could meet, he pulled away, standing up and shoving a hand into his pocket. But he didn't take the other away from Steve's arm.

"Whoa buddy. What's... uh... what's up?"

Steve frowned at him. "Danno?"

Before anything else could be said, Steve's doctor stepped forward.  Danny moved out of the way to let the doctor work, but didn't leave his friend's side. Steve seemed clingy, needing him close and Danny couldn't really blame him. He had no idea what had actually happened in that room, but whatever it was, it was clear that Steve had fought like a motherfucker and won. Which, really, was all he cared about at the moment. He moved his hand to Steve's hair to keep a connection to him and watched the doctor work.

Steve seemed alert enough to at least try and answer the questions asked, but he was also confused and didn't really know what had happened.

"What's the last thing you remember, Steve?"

Danny watched the lines of his face deepen. He looked up at the detective, down to the stupid shirt someone had given him, then back at the doc.  Danny watched the doctor open his mouth to speak again, to coax an answer out of the man, but Steve beat him to it.

"I was on the beach having dinner with everyone. And then I woke up here."

The doctor looked up to Danny for confirmation. Danny could only frown and gave a slight shake of his head. They hadn't had a team dinner, at Steve's or otherwise, for a few weeks. If that really was Steve's last memory, that was a big problem.

"Who's 'everyone'?" the doctor asked.

Steve shrugged, like that was the stupidest question to have ever been asked.

"Danny and the kids," which caused Danny to frown. "Mary. Dad."

Doctor Stewart, no stranger to Five-0, Steve, or their history, just nodded, not giving anything away.

"Great, Steve. Just a couple more questions."  He finished his exam a few minutes later and motioned for Danny to join him out in the hall.

"Be right back, babe."

Steve nodded and turned his head to watch them leave.

Doctor Stewart closed the door tight behind them and Danny could barely wait for that to happen before he pounced.

"What's going on, doc?"

He avoided the question for the moment. "You reported that Steve asked about his father when you found him." It wasn't really a question, but he waited for Danny to answer anyway.

The blond let out a long, hard breath, rubbed both his hands across his face and then through his hair, long since destroyed.

"Yeah, but that was hours ago and he seemed to understand when I told him."

"Mhm, but then he passed out again."

"Yeah..."

"Well, it's possible that he slipped back into his hallucination while he was unconscious."

"Shouldn't the drugs have worn off by now, though?"

The Doctor shook his head. "The tox report has come back and shown that even now, he has high levels of the drug cocktail still in his system. The combination can cause intense hallucinations, though mostly peaceful, calming ones.  Dreams really, rather than nightmares, or nightmare-like hallucinations. Administered intravenously, and at the levels they seem to have been, these would have seemed quite real and the effects will last quite some time. Other drugs found in the cocktail would have caused a decreased reaction time—"

"Thankfully not that slow."

"Hm, quite. I wouldn't worry too much about these. They seem harmless. They seem to be making him imagine a happy life, things he wishes were true. A peaceful night on the beach with you and Grace, his sister home in Hawai'i and his father alive. He probably clung to those during his ordeal, which would have caused them to imprint themselves more strongly into his consciousness, his memories. They'll fade as the drugs leave his system and we're doing everything we can to expedite that process."

Danny nodded and listened as the doctor ran through the rest of his friend's injuries and courses of treatment. Then Stewart patted him on his back and left so Danny could return to his friend.

He slipped back into the room, trying to be as quiet as possible in case Steve had fallen back asleep. Maybe he was hoping he had fallen asleep.

This was a shit show, pure and simple. The wound on his friend's temple was a fucking bullet graze, or he'd eat his goddamn tie. It was proof as to how close Steve had come to dying. Just as close as in Afghanistan and fuck if those two events weren't too close together – or two times too many at all to start with. Add on to the physically injuries the fact that this had been at the hands of Wo Fat, that he'd used drugs to, what, torture Steve even more? His friend could handle the physical torture. Psychological was different. Sure he'd been trained to withstand both, but Steve wore his emotions too close to the surface, at least to Danny's Steve-trained eye.

Telling him that his father had died all those years ago had been one of the hardest fucking things Danny had ever had to do.

So yeah, Danny hoped that Steve had fallen asleep. Maybe he would just stay asleep until the drugs wore off and hopefully the memories of those dreams would as well.

They weren't so lucky. The door closed behind him with a whisper and a soft click and Steve opened his eyes, searching out Danny's and relaxing, just a bit, when their eyes met. Danny walked to his bed, Steve following his every movement. The blond saw the fingers of his closest hand twitch, as if they wanted to reach out for Danny, but Steve was holding them back. Hazel eyes finally left his for a moment, flicking down to his shirt and then back up. Danny wondered what was so interesting about it.

He arrived at his friend's bed side and wrapped those twitching fingers in his hand. He felt the rest of the tension leave Steve's body.

"Danno."

"How ya feeling, babe?" His eyes looked tired and sad and confused and hopeful all at the same time. Steve's hand tightened in his.

"Not really sure. What happened? Is everyone okay?"

Right. Family barbeque on the beach. With his father.

"You don't remember, Steve? You don't remember Wo Fat?"

At the mention of his nemesis, it was like a steel door had slammed down in front of Steve's emotions. He let go of Danny's hand, but the Detective wouldn't let him pull away.

"What?" Steve finally asked. "No. We killed him years ago. On the freighter after he tried to kill my dad."

Danny closed his eyes for a second, trying to shield himself from the pain, the confusion in Steve's voice. He opened them, meeting Steve's once more and put his free hand on the injured man's shoulder.

"No, Steve. That didn't happen, but you got him this time. He'd dead now babe."

"Your shirt..."

"What?" Danny was confused at the abrupt topic change, and wondered why Steve was so hung up on his clothes. "This?" He asked, pointing to himself with the thumb resting on Steve's shoulder. His nod was so slight, Danny almost missed it. "My shirt had... had some of your blood on it. It was, uh, it was bothering me, but the Camaro's still at the scene. One of the docs lent me his ridiculous scrubs."

"So... it's not yours?" Something was going on and Danny had no idea what it was or how to pry it out of his friend. He decided to try for humour. That always worked with Steve. Danny was always rewarded with at least the hint of that awesome only-for-Danno smile.

"What are you talking about, huh? You think this is mine? It's like you don't even know me at all, babe. You even insist on ordering my pizza with pineapples sometimes." It was weak and even to Danny's ear, his voice didn't really pull the humour off. But he grinned anyway.

Steve did not. He broke eye contact, staring at a spot on the wall on the other side of the room.

"So... none of it was real then."

Danny could only guess that Steve was talking about those happy visions the drugs had induced of his father and of barbeques on the beach. He wasn't quite sure what that had to do with his shirt, though. But the look of sadness and loss that bled through Steve's mask, exhaustion probably making it too hard to maintain, made perfect sense. Ten minutes ago, he had his father and his sister with him.

For the second time that day, Danny'd had to break the news to him. Part of him, most of him, wished Steve hadn't killed the fucker. Danny wanted to kill him himself, very slow, for what he had done to his friend.

"No babe."

Steve nodded once, turned his head away from Danny, and pulled his hand from the other's grasp. Danny wanted to stop him from pulling away, wanted to wrap him up in his arms and take all his pain away. But he didn't. He couldn't. And he knew that Steve wanted to put distance between them, to reign in all the emotions leaking out all over the room. Even if that wasn't what he needed.

Danny let out a steadying breath and left Steve, though that was right up there with 'hardest things ever', and stepped out into the hall. He'd give Steve some space and it would give him a chance to let Chin and Kono know what was going on, and get an update on the case.

505050

It was almost 48 hours before the hospital agreed, grudgingly, to release Steve. And even then it was only because Danny had promised to stay with his friend. Make sure he had help getting around. Make sure there were no lingering side effects from the drugs. Like he would have been anywhere else.

Danny'd had  some pretty shitty days in his life – the day Rachel told him what he had known for months – that she was leaving him. The day he had watched Matty walk on to that place. The day he'd brought Matty back from Colombia. Watching the Taliban almost chopping his friend's fucking head off. Those 48 hours ranked pretty high up there on his shit list.

Steve had barely spoken a word unless it was to his doctors. He had agreed to the term of his release – and even to Danny, that sounded like it was a prison sentence – with a nod after a moment's hesitation.

Danny rarely left his side, though, sleeping in the unoccupied bed on the other side of the room, going to the cafeteria for a shitty meal whenever his stomach protested loud enough that even Steve heard it. The SEAL was cordial with Chin and Kono and Lou, but still subdued.

Twice Steve had woken up, looking confused, but Danny had never had to say the words again. Thank fuck for that. It tore him up just the same though, each time he saw the moment Steve realized where he was and what was going on. The light in his tired eyes blinked out.

Fucking Wo Fat. Fucking goddamn drugs.

Danny tried to help Steve into the house, but of course, the stubborn idiot refused it. He knew he would of course, but although his friend moved slow and cautious, he really didn't need the help. Danny just wanted to be close to the guy, so sue him.  The distance between them had been growing more and more since he'd had to tell him the bad news in the hospital. He felt like a sheet of ice that had broken off and was floating away from its iceberg. He hated it. So he settled for unlocking the door and opening it for the SEAL, letting the other man through first before Danny took a deep breath and followed.

Steve was already making his way to the stairs, presumably to find his bed. That in itself was a red flag to Danny, but what could he say? After all, it was exactly what he was prepared to try and make the SEAL do anyway. Usually, however, it took arguing for an hour, at least, for Steve to finally take his advice and Danny was sure that was normally only because he'd worn himself out with said arguing.  Danny let him go without a word.

An hour later, he toed open the door to Steve's room, left slightly ajar. He entered quietly, placing the tray on the immaculate dresser.

"Hey, Steve?" He whispered, in case his friend was asleep.

"Yeah. 'm awake." He eyes stayed closed for a moment longer, though, before they opened and immediately swept over Danny's body. He let it happen for a moment, then picked the tray back up and placed it on the bedside table.

"Brought you some soup and a sandwich," he said, though Steve would have had no problem seeing what was on the tray himself. The silence of the last two days grated on Danny's nerves and he felt the need to fill it.

"Thanks," Steve said, but made no move towards the small meal.

"C'mon buddy. You gotta eat something. Get any lingering shit out of your system." The other man just grunted. There was no trace of the drugs left in his system, or else the doctors would not have released him, but there were worries of lingering side effects. And Danny felt that if this silence was one of them, he would do anything to get rid of it right the fuck now.

He'd never seen his friend like this. Not after Korea; not after Afghanistan. He seemed completely shut down. Definitely depressed and though Steve was at times moody, upset, or pissed off, he'd never once thought of the word 'depressed' to describe him. Of the two of them, Steve was definitely the strong one. But Danny knew that everyone had their breaking point, even tough as nails Navy SEALs.

He sat on the edge of the bed, looked over at his friend who avoided his gaze. He lay his hand on Steve's shoulder and felt him flinch at the touch. It was faint, but Danny hadn't imagined it. He didn't remove his hand.

"Talk to me babe. You know you can trust me." Steve remained silent. "Look, you know that I would normally do nothing aside from sit and wait for you to be ready to talk, but I can't do that this time, babe. Okay? I can't. I've never seen you like this before. I'm worried about you."  Still nothing from Steve, but he relaxed under his touch. "I love you, babe. I can't lose you. Okay?"

Steve turned to him then, searched his face, looking for what Danny didn't know, but the blond just held his gaze and ran his hand along his arm.

The SEAL's expression hardened, as it had in the hospital two days ago. Wincing, he pulled himself up to sit against the headboard and drew his knees up to his chest, as if he were trying to protect himself from Danny.  The Detective tried to ignore how that made him feel and settled his hand on the bed between them, almost touching but not; just there if Steve wanted it. He waited. Steve looked at Danny once more, but this time, it was intense. Danny wondered if he were trying to etch Danny's image into his brain and wondered why he would do that.

He prodded once more. "What are you thinking?"  To his surprise, Steve answered. An actual answer

"They had me in this gas chamber. Showed me all these home movies my parents had shot – how did he even get them?" Danny had no answer, but was certain Steve would be tearing this house apart once he was feeling up to it.

"Then they knocked me out. I'd wake up tied to this chair with an IV and they put some kind of shit in there. I don't even want to know what it was, though I've got some ideas. The first few times I didn't even see Wo Fat. The drugs made me feel heavy and tired and eventually I'd pass out. Then I was in this other life. This life where I had everything I wanted, I guess.  Where everything was almost perfect. After a while I lost track. I couldn't tell which was real. I just knew that I had to fight for my life in the nightmare so that I could get back to the other life. My family." He fell silent. But he'd started talking so Danny waited him out. 

"I don't want this life."  He whispered a couple of minutes later, so quiet Danny almost didn't hear him. "I want to stay in the other one. Guess that all should've been a clue. I don't get perfect; it was too good for me."

"Oh, babe." Danny's fingers twitched, just as Steve's had in the hospital, but he did not try to hold back. He took Steve's hand in both of his own, ran his thumbs across the well-tanned skin. "I take it that in this other life, I had a penchant for wearing loud, Hawaiian shirts?"

Steve actually let out the smallest of chuckles and just like that the air cleared. It was the best fucking sound Danny had heard in his entire life.  "Yeah. You were all into the island scene. Moved out here with Rachel and Grace because who wouldn't chose this over Jersey?"

"Jesus Christ, McGarrett. What are you doing to me?" He asked it with a smile. But maybe it was the wrong thing to say because the smile was maybe going to hint at showing up on Steve's face disappeared completely.

"You were happy. It was nice to see."

"Babe. Hey, look at me, alright? That's better. I _am_ happy, babe. I don't need to be in an alternate universe for that. I sure as hell do not need, nor want, Rachel for that. I am happy. Right here, okay? I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me, got it?"

Steve nodded after a moment. Danny didn't think for a second he actually believed that but the other man's hazel eyes caught his once more and they didn't leave.

"You... you didn't need Rachel there, either."

Danny watched his eyes grow wide, as if he were surprised that he'd actually said that, like the drugs had induced some kind of forced honesty. He sure as hell didn't hear his friend speak so much very often, and he certainly wasn't expecting it after the last couple of days. But he wasn't about to look a gift... SEAL?... in the mouth. Then he saw something else pass across his face – determination. Hope and fear again. Resignation.  He continued.

"She left you for Stan a couple of years after we met. After Charlie, your own son, was born. When you told me, you said you were only worried and upset about maybe losing your kids. It didn't bother you about Rachel so much because you weren't in love with her anymore anyway."

Suddenly, Danny realized exactly where Steve's dream-life was going. It seemed everything that happened in that dream was exactly what the SEAL wanted in real life so... his stomach knotted itself up in an instant. How could his friend, who Danny thought he knew so well, had cataloged every one of his faces, have hidden this from him?

Perhaps the same way Danny had hidden it from Steve.

Danny took a stab at continuing the story. "Because I was in love with someone else." Steve swallowed hard and nodded, looked away from Danny but the blond moved a shaky hand from Steve's arm to his cheek, forcing him back to look at him. "Because I was in love with you." Steve didn't move a muscle, but the fear had taken over his eyes along with unshed tears.

Danny's smile was brilliant. "Babe, that part? Not a dream."


End file.
